Nothing like a health scare to change your perspective.

So, I had myself a nice little scare this week. Actually, it started about seven days ago, and it isn’t completely resolved yet, though it seems likely that I am OK right now. Normally, and I know I’m not alone in this, I treat aches and pains, minor injuries and illnesses by blowing them off until they either go away, or become so unmanageable that I absolutely have to go in for treatment. I guess, in the secret parlor of my mind, I’m still that 20-something, vital and brimming with youthful health and oblivious to my own mortality, and the fragility of my very impermanent human body. Well, that veil of blissful ignorance was unceremoniously ripped from my eyes. I was suddenly thrust into a world of sharp pain, and forced to ponder what would happen if this were, indeed, a serious problem.

OK, time to shame the devil and tell the truth, I wasn’t ‘pondering’, I was terrified. I tried to rationalize the pain away, tried to navigate the internet for the symptoms that I was having, and in the end, nearly caused myself a fear-thrombo over the whole thing. I was in a k-hole of analyzing every little intestinal sound, every positional pain, and fearfully reviewing the last few months of my health like I could soothe myself through self-diagnosis. I admit that I’ve been as remiss in my religious observations and I’ve been with my health and wellness, and I know it’s out-of-fashion to be affiliated, but I honestly began to pray that God would somehow deliver me from the mess that I was in. I’m not ashamed to say that I was not only reviewing my inattention to my health and physical well-being, I was also considering how much I had neglected my spiritual and mental well-being too, and deeply regretting it in the moment.

So, after many prayers and a trip into the medical office, I am left with a subsiding abdominal pain, a scan that was negative except for a few middle-age related issues that will need a follow-up, and a whole new and improved outlook and approach to life. I don’t know if the pain will return, or if I’m totally out of the woods. I don’t even know why it took so much to make me have my ‘moment of clarity’, but I do know this; none of us are guaranteed tomorrow, heck, we’re not even guaranteed this moment. As a result of that realization, I’m going to live each moment gratefully, and to the best of my ability. I hope I get a long and healthy life, but if I don’t, I want to close my eyes for the last time and know that I didn’t waste any of the time I had after my scare. I’m also not ashamed to say that I’m getting back in touch with my religion and God as I understand him, and regardless of how everything works out, I feel a whole lot better for it.

Hello world!

OK. Kewl. I remember my first ‘Hello World’ program, so that’s a bit o’nostalgia there. I think I’ll keep this title for my first post… it seems to be appropriate, somehow, because, very much in keeping with how I felt after I wrote that first program, I have no idea what I’m doing here. I don’t just mean that I am crashing around the user interface like an idiot, that’s true, but I also have no idea why I’m starting a blog. I can’t even plumb the depths of my motivations, because it makes my head hurt. There’s the usual self-deprecating doubt that I’m the only one who’ll think that I have anything interesting or funny to say, but there’s also the worry that my grammar and literary skills have regressed to the point that what I write will be a punishment for other people to read. What I am sure of is that I was born under a very bizarre star, or that God has a really nutty sense of humor. My life has been, and continues to be, a disconnected string of odd experiences. People rarely believe me when I tell them that, if they hang around me long enough, they’re bound to share some of my long strange trip personally. What usually happens is that they smile and nod, and then the fun begins and I’ve either made a friend for life, or they apologize and head for cover. I don’t blame them, because I wouldn’t believe the crap that happens around me if I didn’t experience it myself.

Anyway, I think I may have accidently come across for one of the reasons to start this blog. I guess I want impartial third to witness the stuff that goes on around me. I don’t think it’s the whole reason, because normally I’m an extremely private person, so there’s got to be a damn good reason behind me opening the door to my strange little world for all and sundry to see.